Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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