please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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