oh god the rape fog is back!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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