I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
