If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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