woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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