South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
