If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
