WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
