But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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