Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
