At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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