Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Too much gin, very little bucket
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
