Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
