I got chris browned last night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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