and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
