i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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