The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He passed out mid-signature
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
