Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
