you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
