I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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