Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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