First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
