I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
