he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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