Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
