I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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