Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
