saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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