Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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