I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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