My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All the doctor said was why
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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