put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
