I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
