dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
