It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
