If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
