Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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