we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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