listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
