P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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