Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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