idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
