I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
