I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
