I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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