Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
