GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
