I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
