Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
