god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
