if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
