Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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