I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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