"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
